Miz has returned, right?
by Miznomer
Summary: Some of the X-Men try to get help to give a warm and convincing welcome. Contains annoying characters, disgusting sleeping habits, yelling, awkward poses, selling off males, but no slash. Pyro, Iceman, Colossus, Deadpool, Northstar, Gambit.


Northstar entered the room with a slow, deliberate stride. If the way someone walked could be the expression on a face, his was undoubtedly a smirk. The kind that made you wanted to hit him, hard.

No matter, he was in the room now.

"Well," he opened with a slow, deliberate tone. If the way someone talked…you get the picture.

Anyway, since he did not manage to get the attention of everyone (or anyone at all for that matter) in the room, he did not get (a well-deserved) hit. He prepared what important news he had and considered in what way it was delivered would be the best.

"Miz is back!"

This turned heads. With all the others looking at him in disbelief, Bobby spoke up first: "Unusually emotive today are we?"

Snickers abound.

Northstar glared at Bobby. "That wasn't me and you know it. Nobody else in the Glass House has a voice that high-strung."

Then, turning to face Pyro, who was standing by the door, prepared to protest about the critique on his voice, Northstar shot him a glare as well. "You. You stole my news and made it trivial."

The catfight would have probably continued if Gambit didn't speak up. "Miz? C'min now? Are ya sure, homme? Where'd ya get yer info?"

Pyro opened his mouth to speak but decided against it. Northstar answered instead, in a silky voice. Well, what he thought was a silky voice. "Jay from the Trio let it slip that Miz will reach sometime tomorrow morning."

Noticing Colossus raise his hand. "Yes, I know what you're going to say. I wasn't aware that Jay was a precog either."

Colossus stared back blankly and gestured to the body lying face up on the couch. . "Actually, I was wondering if we should wake Deadpool up for this."

They stared at wonder at the body for a moment. Deadpool had a juice box on the left side of his head and chocolate milk on the right. Both of them were firmly in his mouth and while he snored softly he managed to suck a little from both with each intake of breath.

After a while, they had enough of that and made up their minds on the appropriate course of action. They tickled him awake. The result was somewhat unbelievably cool yet obviously disgusting. Grape juice squirted out the left side of his nose while chocolate milk, or possibly blood dribbled from the other. The bunch wasn't particularly concerned. If it was any serious injury, he would heal. If they caused his brain to explode, chances were that it improved his level of sanity.

Bobby won 30 dollars from that. Gambit had bet 10 dollars that the fluid would have come out from the eyes; Colossus risked 5 dollars that Deadpool might explode; and Pyro had confidently backed 15 dollars for the mixture to not completely come out but for the next two weeks, they would hear swishing sounds like a shaken bottle of water whenever Deadpool nodded. Upon paying, Pyro was not satisfied.

"Just you wait, you're gonna have to pay me back soon. He's gonna get shot in the head and it'll be empty except for chocolate milk and grape juice."

When he woke up and was told the news, Deadpool became instantly alert and took control of the situation at once. "If we expect to keep Miz, then we have work to do! Get marching men!"

Northstar rolled his eyes. "We should have let him sleep."

To which Gambit retorted. "Or s'plode. Boom. Mints in cola."

Someone had different thoughts on the matter. "It's the grape juice. They say it's good for your brain. His must be drenched in it." Pyro said while happily sipping what was left in the carton.

By the next day, Deadpool's new assertive personality had gotten all the residents of the Glass House prepared for the arrival of Miz. To be strictly accurate, Deadpool's new assertive personality only lasted a while, about 10 minutes. In the theme of being strictly accurate, 9 minutes 43.7563 seconds. However, in the time it lingered about, it had the common sense to get outside help. It found a witch-devil-god knows what-thingy that can adopt personalities and basically make a clone of the person with that personality that you needed for a job. The clone would last for as long as the job lasted. They christened it . It made them call it Sir.

On the early morning of that day, the residents lay sprawled across the living room due to the sheer exhaustion of trial practiced they had. They had a problem. Because Sir looked exactly like Deadpool, they kept getting confused with where they were supposed to sit/stand/lie. Part of the problem was that Sir always stood nearby Deadpool on purpose. They let him have his fun, he would be gone as soon as Miz walked through the door.

Anyways, Sir was allowing them to rest so they could do their best when Miz arrived. Alarms sounded. Miz was reaching the front yard. That left them about slightly over 5 minutes to prepare. Sir shrieked "POSITIONS!" They fled to their respective places. Sir studied them for a moment and made some last minute adjustments.

"Northstar! Slacken your back muscles. You look like you have a rod stuck up your…"

Before he could continue his profanity, Bobby misinterpreted that the invitation to relax was extended to anybody else.

"Iceman! If you don't straighten up those back muscles! I'm going to stick a rod up your…"

Just barely avoiding the need to put this into mature content, Sir noticed more problems.

"Deadpool! Stop looking like you've been tranquilized! Smile for god's sake!",

and "Pyro! Wipe that smile off your face!",

followed by a "Gambit! Lie on your stomach! Your abs are so over-used! Ever hear of change of pace?",

Back to Deadpool. "Deadpool! Take off that shirt! Does this look like a monastery?". It seemed to have Deadpool's streak of narcissism.

Then to Colossus. "I can't help it if you feel uncomfortable without a shirt and tight pants, but stop trying to cover yourself with your hands. It looks wrong and it's inappropriate. So stop it."

Sir turned away and turned a full circle to look for another victim. But then turned back to Colossus. "On second thought, that is absolutely perfect. Carry on." So much for avoiding mature content, Colossus went from plain embarrassed to aghast and wasn't sure where to put his hands anymore

.

Right at that moment, Miz entered the room. _Hey guys. Miss me? _

From their respective and uncomfortable positions, they managed a weak greeting.

_What. Is that? _

Sir was still there. And for some unbeknownst reason walked over to Miz.

"Excuse me. But you are disturbing my team from drill practice. We are expecting a Very Important Guest."

Miz eyes and voice went bipolar. From almost warm and lush (by Miz's standards) to frigid and dry (by universal standards).

_I can tell you aren't Deadpool. So…What are you doing here? _

Sir took bigger strides to stand in front of Miz.

The Residents exchanged panicky looks and whispers.

"Why isn't he gone yet?",

"Screw the why. What are we gonna do?",

"Oh, crap!",

"This gonna get ugly. He's gonna go through his monologue.",

"You mean the- you will only address me as sir, before you speak after you speak and whenever I speak to you-bit?",

"Yep.",

"Crap.",

"You said it, homme."

They tuned back in to check the progress.

Sir was just finishing. "….WHENEVER I SPEAK TO YOU! YOU WILL TALK WHEN I TALK TO YOU! AND WALK WHEN I ASK YOU TO! YOU WILL SAY PLEASE WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK. AND THEN YOU STILL ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK! UNLESS I TALK TO YOU! YOU WILL THANK ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU! AND ALSO THANK ME WHEN I GIVE YOU A REWARD! YOU BETTER NOT ALSO FORGET TO THANK ME FOR MAKING YOU A BETTER PERSON WHEN I GIVE YOU A PUNISHMENT! IF I SAY JUMP, YOU SAY HOW HIGH AND HOW FAR AND HOW MANY SOMMERSAULTS DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ON THE WAY DOWN? DID YOU GET THAT? AND MAKE SURE YOU SAY SIR-YES-SIR-SIR-THANK YOU-SIR WHEN YOU REPLY!

As one, the Residents turned their heads to get a better view of Miz.

"Uh-Oh."

Miz didn't seem to be listening. Turning to look them in the face, Miz seemed calm enough.

_What is this…thing? And why is it in the living room of my Glass House talking to me in a way that suggests he was brought up by caffeine-and-testosterone-pumped apes that were dropped on the head? Before being shipped off to the military for power-hungry, attention-crazed psychos? _

Deadpool stifled a giggle. Apes. Gorillas. Guerrillas. Militia. Monkey puns.

Colossus explained the situation because his was the only voice loud (when necessary) enough.

Sir was changing shapes. He no longer looked like Deadpool. More like a black humanoid thing, but only for a while. It flickered between the two bodies, apparently struggling to look like Deadpool.

_Uh-huh. Can I have the contract? _

Deadpool scampered up with the contract which he must have miraculously pulled out of somewhere, there was no way anything can fit in those bicycle shorts.

_Hmm…Alternate persona contract. The personality will take on a similar form to the original owner for the duration until which the conditions stated below have been met. The conditions for this contract include the arrival of Miz, and a mutual feeling of happiness amongst Miz and Residents of Miz's Glass House. I see._

_**You have no right to clone your way out here like you own the place and treat my guests like life-sized dolls. They are not your toys or experiments. You can't tell them to sit in stupid positions and hold ridiculous poses. And they are definitely not yours to fit into sleazy outfits and carry out questionable actions. That's MY job.**_

Nods around the room.

Seeing that everyone was distracted, Sir chose that moment to strike. If Miz no longer existed, Miz couldn't be happy. Then, he could stay and fix up this sad little place. He pulled out a particularly large and sharp shard of metal that had been sticking out of Deadpool's side, and lunged forward.

Miz kicked him in the groin. And then Sir vanished.

_The contract was that he leaves when I'm here and happy. And I was happy to assault him. _

They sat together to share a feel good moment.

"So, Miz where have you been? We haven't seen you in ages!"

_I had a lot of work. Projects and presentations. When that was finally done, I had to prepare for exams. Then, I had to attend exams. But I came back as soon as I could_.

"Does this mean you aren't inviting the cast of Twilight to stay?"

_Erm. No? Whatever gave you that idea?_

"Well, never mind. Why not?"

_I don't know. They seem okay in the books, but I guess the movie verse didn't leave a very good impression on me. Only what I saw from trailers though, I haven't seen the movie yet. We could watch it together some day and if you guys like what you see, I'm sure we can send some invitations. A sudden sharp smell hit. What on earth is that smell?_

"Mainly chocolate milk and grape juice that Deadpool was drinking in his sleep. There might be other stuff in there, but we don't think you want to know."

_Ugh. Deadpool?_

"Yea?"

_What were you doing drinking them in your sleep?_

"They give me dreams about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

_That explains it. I like the dreams with ham and mustard._

_A/N: Miznomer does not endorse violence. Not even justified violence._

_Also, do not try to drink anything in your sleep, it can kill you or any of the other possibilities mentioned above._

_Chocolate milk and grape juice may not necessarily give you dreams about PB&J sandies._

_Chocolate milk and grape juice may give you diarrhea if taken together._

_Grape juice is not necessarily good for your brain. Both participants in this experiment (Pyro and Deadpool) showed no increase in intelligence after consuming it._

Further A/N:

If none of this make sense to you, Miz talks in italics without the need for "".

Bold fonts indicates loud volumes.

The Trio are Miz's three Original Characters, whom have powers which are only known by Miz and each other. Appearances in The Beginning, Number One and The Others, along with casual/random mentions elsewhere.

The Residents are all the characters which Miz has collected from various sources. See The Beginning, Number One and The Others for the full story. All stories revolve around the Residents.

All X-Men belong to Marvel. Only the concepts, story and such intellectual property belong to me


End file.
